Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A Day Off? Really?


I took a day off today! This is uncommon and really fun. Maybe I should do it more often. I had a blissful pedicure, a visit, lunch out, a bit of library time, a browse through a thrift store (found a lovely linen jacket for ME, $5.99), and then went with a friend to see Mama Mia! How I love Meryl Streep. I enjoyed it so much...just a fluffy light chick flick without pretentions. I believe there was approximately 1 man in the fairly full theater, I loved the energy created by 100 or so women laughing their heads off and (every now and then) singing! Now I am relaxing and admiring my pearly pale pink toes. There are rainbows and fluffy bunnies coming out of the tips of my toes whenever I sneeze!

Anyone who has ever worked in a retail environment will understand....
Oh my goodness, I've been going back and reading these since last night and laughing my butt off. Thanks universe...I needed that! Even funnier than Cheezburger!

Life’s Great Mysteries, Volume 1
Grocery Store Oklahoma, USAOklahoma, USA
(I’m working in the meat department as a middle-aged woman in a business suit approaches me.)
Customer: “Excuse me, miss?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am, how can I help you?”
Customer: *dead serious* “What’s the difference between beef and pork?”
Me: “Um… one comes from a pig, and one comes from a cow. ”
Customer: “Oh, okay! I’ve always wondered that!”
(She walks off happily and I never worked with the public again.)

Warning: Movie May Require Brain Cells
Bookstore Arkansas, USA
Customer: “This is a readin’ movie. Do I have to pay fer this? It’s a readin’ movie. Ya’ know, where ya’ have to read it?”
Me: “You mean it had subtitles?”
Customer: “Yeah! Those! I don’t have to pay for that, do I?”
Me: “Well, we really don’t do preferential refunds because it isn’t our obligation to make sure the customer likes the movie. We just make it available.”
Customer: “That’s bullcrap!”
(He skulks away from my register and hangs around the candy display as the next customer walks up laughing.)
Me, to the next customer: “Hello, ma’am. How’re you doing today? Good? That’s great. Before we start here, I’d like to warn you that this magazine you’re about to purchase is a readin’ magazine, and that we don’t give refunds. Sorry.”
(The previous disgruntled customer, who obviously heard everything I said, is completely oblivious to the fact that I’m mocking him.)

Accidental Lemonade From Lemons
Public Library Amsterdam, The Netherlands
Me: “Hi, can I help with anything?”
Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a good book.”
Me: “Do you have any specific genre or subject in mind?”
Customer: “Yes, a good one… one that I’ll like.”
Me: “Um, you’ll have to be a bit more specific. I don’t really know what you like. Science fiction, thriller, fantasy, horror, that sort of thing?”
Customer: “Well, don’t you know any good books?”
Me: “I haven’t actually read them all, but–”
Customer: “You haven’t? What kind of librarian are you? Isn’t there anyone here who can help me?”
Me: “This one–” *holding up a book* “–is pretty popular at the mo–”
Customer: “How do you know I’ll like it?! You can’t know that. I want a book that I’ll like.”
(I get frustrated and just grab a random book that was recently turned in.)
Me: “Here, you’ll love this one!”
(Unfortunately, she did like it, and told my boss to thank me for my great suggestion. Darn.)

I am enjoying reading these FAR too much!

So and I are sending a huge bucket of LOVE to Sam and Darren , who are celebrating their 10th anniversary in New Orleans.
"You'll never know just how much I love you
You'll never know just how much I care
If there was some other way
To prove that I love you
I swear I don't know how
You'll never know if you don't know now"
And yes, for you purists out there, I know those aren't the proper lyrics but that's how I sang it at the wedding, so there.

Coming up on eBay, as soon as I can get them ready: a lacy extravaganza ofVictorian white clothing, with a few Edwardian and other interesting pretties! There are some beautiful pieces and I'm delighted to be offering them.

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